Hello again :)
Sorry I didn't post yesterday, I was going to do one in the evening but I didn't want to jinx it :P I managed to fast all day, my only intake being several litres of sugar-free vimto (i loveeee that stuff!) I'm now around 36 hours in (i'm saying that my fast started at 00.00am, friday 16th June and it's now almost 12pm, saturday) and i'm actually considering breaking :/ I feel soooo sick. And my heart is beating strangely. I'm so weak. :(
I want to try to carry on for as long as I can, and if i do break i'll eat soup and go to the gym to burn all the calories straight away. I'm going to post my stats at the bottom of this post, but they'll be my stats from yesterday, the start of the fast.
I'll definitely post again later, and hopefully I'll still be fasting! Lots of love, davss xxxxxxxxx
Height = 5'1 (people have tried telling me I'm slightly taller than this, but I refuse to believe it)
Highest weight = 118lbs
Lowest weight = 102lbs
Current weight = 112lbs (start of fast)
BMI = 21.2
EDIT.
I broke. I lasted 36.5 hours. I ate some rice, mainly because it was the closest thing I felt almost safe eating. I can't believe how hard it is for me to fast. I was sat in the kitchen with my sister before I decided to eat, and I started getting unbelievably hot, almost sweating, and I was shaking already. Do you ever get that feeling when you feel sick, and you know you'll feel fine after you are, but you just can't? I felt like that.
Once I started eating, my mum came into the kitchen. I could hardly put my fork to my mouth for shaking. She immediately started talking about how I didn't eat yesterday and can't go out in the state i'm in. She thought I was going to a party tonight, but when I told her I was going to the cinema with this boy who she thinks is alright for me to hang around with, and I told her we'll be getting food whilst we're out, she was fine with it.
So, tonight i'm going to the cinema, and i'm going to eat because he's already arranged the time he's picking me up. I have a feeling that tonight's not going to go too well on the calorie front, but at least i'll be out of the house and won't be able to just keep on eating. I'm only taking £10 with me, and the ticket's costing £6.60 leaving £4.40 for food and drinks, so i'm hoping i can use that as my excuse.
wish me luck, davss xxxx
Saturday, 17 July 2010
Thursday, 15 July 2010
Eventful day...
Today started off really well, I was feeling stronger than I have done in a long time. But I've eaten so much!
I finished off the pack of crackers I binged on last night, then went to the gym to burn it all off. After the gym, I came come, had a bath and got ready to go out to my sister's awards evening at her school. I thought it would be a way of getting away from food, knowing that I would eat anything in sight. I was wrong about there being no food. There was a buffet table with loads of different snacks, tarts and cakes. I ate a cake and 3 strawberry tarts. I felt so sick after it! But it doesn't even end there. I then came home and my family were having chips. Luckily I managed to hide most of mine, and they now know I've eaten loads so my excuse for tomorrow can be that I'm still feeling really full from all the food tonight.
It's times like this I really wish I was living alone. I wouldn't have to keep food in the house, so temptation wouldn't even be an option. And if this happened, I could just go and purge, but it's impossible when my family are ALWAYS at home! I used to be able to do it silently, but i'm too scared now :/ I feel sooo horrible!
My fast is starting tomorrow. Loads of people from my year are going to the beach on Tuesday, so I'm going to try to fast Friday (tomorrow) through to Tuesday. It'll be my longest fast, but I NEED to do it. I feel so disgusting right now, and I was doing so well until last night and today. I've let myself down, big time.
I'm really very tired now, so I'm probably just going to go to bed. It's really nice to have somewhere to come and write about this all, thankyou people following and basically Blogger :L
so much love, davss xxxxxxx
I finished off the pack of crackers I binged on last night, then went to the gym to burn it all off. After the gym, I came come, had a bath and got ready to go out to my sister's awards evening at her school. I thought it would be a way of getting away from food, knowing that I would eat anything in sight. I was wrong about there being no food. There was a buffet table with loads of different snacks, tarts and cakes. I ate a cake and 3 strawberry tarts. I felt so sick after it! But it doesn't even end there. I then came home and my family were having chips. Luckily I managed to hide most of mine, and they now know I've eaten loads so my excuse for tomorrow can be that I'm still feeling really full from all the food tonight.
It's times like this I really wish I was living alone. I wouldn't have to keep food in the house, so temptation wouldn't even be an option. And if this happened, I could just go and purge, but it's impossible when my family are ALWAYS at home! I used to be able to do it silently, but i'm too scared now :/ I feel sooo horrible!
My fast is starting tomorrow. Loads of people from my year are going to the beach on Tuesday, so I'm going to try to fast Friday (tomorrow) through to Tuesday. It'll be my longest fast, but I NEED to do it. I feel so disgusting right now, and I was doing so well until last night and today. I've let myself down, big time.
I'm really very tired now, so I'm probably just going to go to bed. It's really nice to have somewhere to come and write about this all, thankyou people following and basically Blogger :L
so much love, davss xxxxxxx
moarneen! (well, early afternoon but i've just woken up....)
Well, hello again :)
I may have had a slight binge at 3am this morning, whilst watching shutter island... I was sat in front of my laptop, not realising that i'd eaten about 15 crackers (dry crackers D:) one after the other. I really don't know how I managed it.
BUT, i'm trying to put it to the back of my mind, I haven't eaten anything so far, but shall probably opt for a cuppa soup shortly as I've decided to venture into Eastleigh (a small town about a mile from my house, even though there's a co-op about 2 minutes from here) to buy some diet coke :)
Tonight i'm going to the gym, as per, but I'm going to concentrate on burning calories! I normally try to run the longest distance I can, and usually it results in about 700kcals, but tonight i'm going to try to use all the different machines to burn the same amount. After all, I don't want to end up looking like a beautiful twig with tree trunk thighs! D: haha ;)
Will post again this afternoon, love love love - davss xxxxxx
I may have had a slight binge at 3am this morning, whilst watching shutter island... I was sat in front of my laptop, not realising that i'd eaten about 15 crackers (dry crackers D:) one after the other. I really don't know how I managed it.
BUT, i'm trying to put it to the back of my mind, I haven't eaten anything so far, but shall probably opt for a cuppa soup shortly as I've decided to venture into Eastleigh (a small town about a mile from my house, even though there's a co-op about 2 minutes from here) to buy some diet coke :)
Tonight i'm going to the gym, as per, but I'm going to concentrate on burning calories! I normally try to run the longest distance I can, and usually it results in about 700kcals, but tonight i'm going to try to use all the different machines to burn the same amount. After all, I don't want to end up looking like a beautiful twig with tree trunk thighs! D: haha ;)
Will post again this afternoon, love love love - davss xxxxxx
Wednesday, 14 July 2010
A bit about Davs :)
Why, hello there beautiful people ;)
I'm apparently the second Hannah? and i'm not actually too sure as to what to write tbh (: i shall start with a brief life history of yours truly, you lucky readers.
I'm 16 and have just finished school, where I was head girl and probably seemed like the most confident person in the year! nonono. it's amazing what a smile and a few bad jokes can do for a person, you know. I pretty much slept-walked through secondary school; there were a few good times, but I was basically trying to please other people. Now i've left there, i'm starting to be myself. I love to get dressed up and go out in the evenings. I love the people i'm surrounding myself with now, but it's difficult when there's VERY few people who really understand what i'm going through. From now on, this will be the first place I come to talk about everything that would be judged, laughed at, disregarded or just ignored by the people who i'm supposed to be able to confide in.
I've never been diagnosed with an ED, or anything similar, and i'm not even sure what's going on with me these days! All i'm sure of is that this obsession has become part of my life now. Ridiculous 'diets', excessive exercise, stupidly oversized clothes. The constant 'maybe one more pound' is just something i'll have to live with until i'm there. I've been so close in the past, and i know i can do it this time. i can.
much love, davs xxxxxx
check out my pretty thin account, also. chicks there are pretty safe tbh ;)
I'm apparently the second Hannah? and i'm not actually too sure as to what to write tbh (: i shall start with a brief life history of yours truly, you lucky readers.
I'm 16 and have just finished school, where I was head girl and probably seemed like the most confident person in the year! nonono. it's amazing what a smile and a few bad jokes can do for a person, you know. I pretty much slept-walked through secondary school; there were a few good times, but I was basically trying to please other people. Now i've left there, i'm starting to be myself. I love to get dressed up and go out in the evenings. I love the people i'm surrounding myself with now, but it's difficult when there's VERY few people who really understand what i'm going through. From now on, this will be the first place I come to talk about everything that would be judged, laughed at, disregarded or just ignored by the people who i'm supposed to be able to confide in.
I've never been diagnosed with an ED, or anything similar, and i'm not even sure what's going on with me these days! All i'm sure of is that this obsession has become part of my life now. Ridiculous 'diets', excessive exercise, stupidly oversized clothes. The constant 'maybe one more pound' is just something i'll have to live with until i'm there. I've been so close in the past, and i know i can do it this time. i can.
much love, davs xxxxxx
check out my pretty thin account, also. chicks there are pretty safe tbh ;)
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